Friday, March 21, 2008 @9:50 AM
Everytime I do a post.. Tons of thoughts run through my mind.. and I never get to put them down.. I guess it's cause they're really random.. And sometimes it's just too personal to put them down.. I can't really elaborate on that.. Lets just say I've got secrets that even my bestfriends don't know about.. I keep them locked away in my mind and never let them out.. Cause I really dont wanna seem like a bitch for thinking like that.. Unless I get exasperated by it.. When I really need to let it out.. I go to one of my bestfriends.. The one who would relate to the topic the most.. And eventually will tell the other girls.. I tell them cause I know they wont judge me.. No matter how bad it is.. and I love them for that.. But then again.. there are things that I NEVER let out.. Lol.. I guess old habits die hard.. You see, for as long as I can remember.. Friends have told me that I never tell them things and I keep everything to myself.. This, unfortunately, is true..
I've been meaning to do a post.. that's not concerned with my daily doings and stuff.. But what I've been thinking of.. It's just not right.. I mean.. it's nothing inappropriate or stuff like that.. I just like to keep things to myself sometimes.. I should try atleast.. haha..
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Hmm.. I just typed a whole post about what’s going through my head.. But I can't really get myself to publish it.. I guess it'll just stay bottled up inside of me.. If I let it out here, it'll eventually cause trouble.. and we all (well, only a few) know Qydah is prone to face trouble in the worst ways possible..
In SMJA.. Every year, for the 5 years I've attended that school, I get into a huge fight.. Well, not fight.. more like an argument.. no... maybe conflict.. haha.. When stuff like that happens, I do some pretty stupid things.. Which will get me into deeper shit.. so yeah.. I get blacklisted (or some shit like that) by some people for a while.. and times like those is when I really know who my true friends are.. Although SMJA has brought me tons of memories.. It’s also one horrible place.. Full of drama and shit.. Rumours were spread.. Words were exchanged.. Sides were chosen.. Students were bias.. Betrayals and such came about.. Gosh..
I try not to get my past get to me.. But.. seems like I’m still living in it.. I should really let it go.. I do and say stupid things without thinking.. It’s nothing to be proud of.. But it’s true.. And I tend to regret.. But like I said, I should really let it go.. Need to live a carefree life.. lol.. I want to live in the present.. right here.. right now.. And that’s what I’m trying to do.. Honestly, the future REALLY freaks me out.. I never think further than a month.. Unless I really need to.. What do you want to be? People ask.. “I don’t know.. Lawyer or psychologist I guess”.. Any other questions after that, I don’t really answer.. I try to avoid the “future” talk with anyone cause life never works out the way we plan.. It’s a way to avoid the whole disappointment and shit.. No, I’m not trying to be pessimistic.. There’s this thing called being realistic.. and that’s what I am.. I know whenrealitykicksin.. and it’s really a bitch.. haha..
I may have contradicted myself a lot in this post.. teehee..
Everything will eventually come out.. I’m aware of that.. But now’s really not the time..
Emo much? =) Maybe I’ve been watching too much of One Tree Hill.. Haha..
I need my girls.. =(In 5 days.. =)